I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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