Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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