smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
