Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we're so committed to being not committed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
