i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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