READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
