woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
