He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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