Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
