just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
