I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
