I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
