This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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