drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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