I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
