you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
