I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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