I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
