i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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