omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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