When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
