I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
