there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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