I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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