that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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