in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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