how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
