when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone shattered a urinal.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
