If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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