remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
