i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
