wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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