I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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