You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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