A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
