He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
