And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
