Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
