go do what you do best...puke behind churches
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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