i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
