I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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