Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
