I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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