ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just high enough for therapy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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