pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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