I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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