Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
