I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
