guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
