Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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