i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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